


Craving touch

by DearDead



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Headcanon, Kalex, Kalex Week, Kalex Week 2019, Light Angst, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Second Prompt : Meta - General, Some Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-01-30 13:53:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21429286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearDead/pseuds/DearDead
Summary: Alex craves contact, but no anyone's. She craves Kara's. But she's Alex Danvers, she doesn'tdomushy, she's a badass through and through.And Kara ? She knows her, always have, and knows what she wants— what she needs. And so, Kara's the one who reaches out, because she knows Alex is holding back.ORPeople think Kara's over tactile when, really, she does it for Alex.(Not that she doesn't like the contact, quite the opposite.)WARNING :A brief and barely there non-consensual touching — but is quickly stopped and no one was harmed.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Winn Schott Jr., Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers & Winn Schott Jr.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 297
Collections: Kalex Appreciation Week 2019





	Craving touch

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I know I'm technically like an hour late so... sorry about that (for the date and stuff).
> 
> _Also_, I finished writing like... the last 5 000 words or so during the night so it might not totally make sense or something so be warned.
> 
> Otherwise... Just try and enjoy this very mediocre writing my friends and happy Kalex Week !

The first time she willingly reaches out to a human, Jeremiah just died.

She has been on Earth for a few months but spent most of those locked in her room; grieving for her family, her world, for  _ normalcy.  _

She doesn’t socialize much, or at all really, except for when Eliza brings her food in her room, softly knocking on her door before putting the plate on her desk with an understanding smile. Or when she sees her foster sister through her window during the rare times she opens the blinds, her attitude grumpy but always with a spring in her steps as she walks to school.   
So she doesn’t have much practice to speak English, or any, but it doesn’t bother her as she doesn’t talk to anyone. It doesn’t bother her until she aches to offer comfort to her adoptive family when they lose one of their own.

Jeremiah is gone and Alex feels numb. Jeremiah is gone and Eliza is lost. Jeremiah is gone but so is Kara’s entire family.

Before, it was the Danvers family and Kara in the house. Now, it’s Alex and Eliza and Kara.

It’s like mother and daughter don’t know how to just  _ be  _ with each other without Jeremiah there. And so Alex isolates herself, even if she welcomes her mother’s hugs most of the time. 

Without the sound of people talking loudly all the time in the house, Kara chances a step outside of her bedroom and is met with silence. Well, as silent as a house with two people and an alien with super-hearing can be anyway. Still, if feels nice and calming not having a low voice booming inside her head when she knows the person talking is downstairs and isn’t even raising his voice.   
She focuses on the heartbeats but only hears one, in the room next to hers;  _ Alex.  _ Eliza must be out. Entering the hallway more fully, Kara carefully walks downstairs, trying not to make a sound, and she looks around.

Except for the time Kal-El left her here, she hasn’t been downstairs at all. Eliza has been bringing her meals in her room and the bathroom is right down the hall, so no need to make herself more vulnerable than necessary.   
Now though, with everybody for themselves, she can let herself be free for a moment and visit the house she now lives in while Alex locked herself in her bedroom and Eliza is out. She takes in the kitchen, brightly lit by the sun, the living room which is darker but no less inviting with the comfy couch and nice decoration.

She takes a moment to look at the pictures hanging on the wall, to look at what was once a happy family. She doesn’t know how to help them when she can’t even help herself after what happened to her planet. She’s not unwilling, she’s just unsure.   
She also idly imagines herself in one of those pictures. It’s an unconscious thought because her mind is always thinking about her birth family, but she craves affection and love; craves a family.

“What are you doing ?”

Alex’s throaty voice brings Kara out of her reverie and she jumps, whirls around and looks at her foster sister with wide eyes. Her eyes roam the room, wondering how she missed the human coming down the stairs and walking so close to her when she has super-hearing.   
She mumbles something in Kryptonian, which causes Alex to frown in confusion, and takes a step back. The brunette raises her hands, palms toward her in a placating gesture, and her expression relaxes into something more open, more peaceful.

“It’s okay,” she assures in a murmur, knowing about Kryptonians’ powers. Her eyes are wide open and her eyebrows just a bit raised to show she’s genuine. “It’s okay.” She pauses and looks at where Kara was standing, a small smile appearing as she spots her father laughing in one of the pictures. “He was always in a good mood,” she comments with fondness in her voice. “Always laughing and making people laugh.”

She inhales sharply as her emotions get too high, too intense, and she sniffs before slowly letting a breath out to calm herself down. Her nose is a bit red because of the near-crying, but her cheeks are pink because she’s embarrassed to have let her emotions get the better of herself in front of Kara.   
She smiles sheepishly at the blonde before her eyes dart away; anywhere but at her foster sister. She tries to get her heartbeat under control before she hears Kara shifting, making her look up.

Now closer, Kara wears a hesitant yet comforting expression with one of her hands over her heart. She says something Alex can’t understand, can’t  _ translate,  _ and her voice is so light and caring that Alex almost cry right there without knowing why.

But Alex shakes her head minutely without losing contact with Kara’s eyes. “I can’t understand you,” she admits in an apologetic tone, voice quivery. 

Kara nods once in understanding, a small smile tugging at her lips, and she stretches her hand until it touches Alex’s wriggling ones. “Okay,” she says, trying to convey her sense of calm when all Alex can feel is a turmoil of negative emotions since her father’s passing. 

_ Okay,  _ one of the only words Kara knows and understands, humans using it so often it loses its meaning. But right now, the meaning is well received by Alex whose heartbeat calms down instantly as soon as Kara’s skin comes in contact with hers.

Alex always tried to be strong, to never need anyone because her parents taught her to be like that. Taught her to be independent and strong and calm and be her own person. And so, she never reaches out to anyone in times of need, or just when she wants to, and just let herself be hugged by her mother only when the older Danvers offers it.    
Kara can see that. She can see the inner battle Alex faces every day, trying to stay strong for her mother, for herself; for her father. She can see the brunette’s fingers twitch when her gaze lands on her mother’s smile, warm and inviting, aching for contact when her own mother doesn’t understand; doesn’t guess.

And if Kara can quench some of that need, then she’ll do just that. The Danvers helped her when she lost everything, when the last of her kin abandoned her with a family of aliens— humans _ , she  _ was the alien now— so it’s only fair she returns the favor.   
In truth, she doesn’t do it out of obligation, but only because she  _ wants  _ to. Eliza has been persistent with her attempts at trying to coax her out of her room so she could get better, and even if Kara refused any kind of help it didn’t mean she didn’t appreciate it.   
And Alex… Kara didn’t know what to think of her. She always had this smile but it always seemed enigmatic, as if she hid something behind and wouldn’t drop the facade even in front of her parents.  _ Especially in front of her parents,  _ Kara thinks. And maybe that’s why she’s been drawn to her, why her eyes always seemed to look for hazel ones, the melting chocolate color tinkling in the dim light of the house. Maybe that’s why she’s so desperate to help  _ her,  _ rather than Eliza who seems to be content to grieve on her own, unlike her daughter.

Her touch is feather light on Alex’s cold skin, barely there but almost overwhelming for the young Danvers. Kara hasn’t tested out her powers yet, has been keeping away from furniture and, most importantly, humans. Bones are so fragile, and skin even more so, and the young alien is too scared of herself to go anywhere near any of them.   
Still, she makes an effort for Alex and puts all of her focus on the weight of her hand against Alex’s. Her strength is, for now, the scariest power she has because it directly has consequences on everything around her. Speed is easier to control, and her other powers haven’t kicked in yet; she thinks it’s just a matter of time, just a matter of not being in the sun enough since she landed.

Alex’s fingers still under the warm touch and her brown eyes widen just the tiniest bit as she looks up to gaze into Kara’s eyes, almost seeing into her soul, and seeing the reassurance and, surprisingly, calm. The brunette turns her hand to hold Kara’s hand but the blonde freezes at the movement and doesn’t dare to move.    
Her breath catches as she inhales sharply and she watches Alex in distress, now more unsure about what to do than ever. So she keeps still, stares as Alex smiles at her reassuringly and tightens her hold on Kara’s hand.

Kara doesn’t relax her muscles until Alex lets go, doesn’t dare to breathe until she knows she won’t hurt her foster sister. Her smile doesn’t leave her face though, as her hearing picks up on the slow and steady rhythm of Alex’s heart; it hasn’t been this way since Jeremiah.

They become closer after that. They sit on the couch and watch TV while Eliza is out and, when she comes back in the evening, her arms full of groceries, her eyes widen and she unconsciously smiles at the sight. Alex has Kara’s hand on her lap, wrapped around her own cold ones as Kara sits straight as an arrow and shoulders squared back but with a soft expression on her face.   
Her heartbeat quickens and Kara’s head snaps toward her, Alex following a beat after, and Eliza  _ beams,  _ all warm inside as she thinks  _ maybe we’ll be okay.  _

She closes the door behind her and goes to put the shopping bags on the kitchen counter as she greets them. “Hey girls. Good day ?” She sneaks a glance over her shoulder but busies herself with putting the groceries away to leave them a sense of calm and privacy.

“Yeah,” Alex replies, and her voice is still a little hoarse but it carries easily in the house, as if she has a new strength inside. “Just watching TV, really.”

The older Danvers makes a point of being as quiet as possible with the plastic bags because of Kara’s hearing and her heart warms up at Alex’s voice. She sounds better. “That’s good. Is…” She hesitates, because even if she’s in the living room with Alex’s hands in hers, she must be still wary and shy. “Is Kara hungry ?” she settles on, then, “Are you ?”

The brunette frowns, turning her head to watch the blonde. “I’m… I don’t know, she doesn’t seem to understand English and I  _ definitely  _ don’t understand Kryptonian.” She pauses. “Are you hungry ?” she asks the alien, but purses her lips in defeat when Kara just keeps watching her with furrowed eyebrows. 

She munches on the inside of her cheek, thinking, then smiles at Kara before carefully letting go of her too warm hand. She gets up and goes into the kitchen, search into the bags and takes a box of pasta. 

Sitting back in her original place, next to Kara, she shows the box and says, “Food.” She waits and smiles and she sees understanding on the young girl’s face. “Hungry ?” the brunette then asks, and bites her lip when the blonde doesn’t understand. “Hungry ?” she repeats while pretending to eat pasta out of the box, keeping it above her head and tilted so it looks like the food is slipping down into her mouth.

This time, understanding dawns on Kara’s face and, before she actually answers, she  _ giggles  _ — light and short, but still there — at Alex’s goofy face. “Okay,” she replies, the only word she knows, with a nod and a shy smile.

That night, they learn that Kara’s appetite is a bit bigger than Clark implied and she almost finishes everything that Eliza bought. The mother makes a mental note to buy way more food and internally sighs in relief she chose a profession that pays well.

And that night, when Alex’s eyes drop to her lap with sadness after diner, Kara reaches out again and puts her hand on Alex’s, like they did before Eliza got home. The touch is featherlike, barely there, but it’s enough. The brunette looks up and smiles sadly but gratefully at her foster sister, her eyes tinkling with something she lost after her father’s death.

* * *

Her breathing is shaky, her fingers are trembling and her eyes are glued to tanned hands. She tries to move, touch the dark skin, but she stays frozen in place.

“You’re not going to hurt me.” 

Alex always has the right words, the right tone to reassure Kara. She always knows what to say or when not to say anything. She always offers reassurance, trust and warm smiles.   
Right now, more than trust, she offers Kara her health. She offers her hand and encourages her to take it to test out the progress she made on her super-strength.

“You don’t know that,” she says back, her thick accent rolling off her tongue as the now familiar words are easily spoken.

She had gotten remarkably better at English, practiced with Alex and watched TV shows for days on end. Idioms were still a bit vague for her, her weakness, but her accent helped: people surely would understand she wasn’t from here and would let go any miss she’d have when speaking to strangers.

Alex huffs and rolls her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I do know. You trained. And I was there, so I know how much you improved.”

Kara frowns, a challenge in her eyes. “But, Alex—”

The brunette raises her eyebrows and it shuts her up immediately. “I saw you train,” she says again, her words purposeful, “and you haven’t burst a football in  _ days  _ Kara. You’re ready.” When the alien still looks hesitant, Alex sighs and takes her slim hands in her own. “Kara,” she tries again, voice gentle and soft. “I know you’re afraid. I know it seems impossible, that fear is all you can think of.” She sees understanding in bright blue eyes, sees the guilt and shame too. “I feel it too,” she then admits with a sheepish smile, her thumbs rubbing soothing circles on the blonde’s hands. “I’m scared to go back to school, without my— dad.” Her voice cracks on the last words, and she knows she still hasn’t accepted her father’s death; doesn’t know if she ever will. “But I know you’ll be there,” she continues, eyes determined and voice sure. “Because I trust you to be there for me and support me through it. So…” She pauses, lowering her head to catch Kara’s gaze which dropped during her short speech. “Will you trust me ?”

Kara doesn’t know if teenagers are supposed to be this charming, this hypnotic almost, this  _ mature.  _ Doesn’t know if they’re all that well-spoken, but she doesn’t think so. She thinks Alex is one of a kind and that she's lucky to have landed among her family.

So, she really doesn’t have to think about her answer and just replies, “Yes,” without missing a beat.

Alex  _ beams  _ at her, looking almost surprised,  _ pleasantly  _ surprised, about Kara’s answer. She squeezes the blonde’s hand before letting go and clapping once. “Okay,  _ so…  _ come on.”

And she stretches her hand out again, letting the little alien all the time she needs to take it. And Kara is grateful because, even if she trusts her foster sister, she doesn’t trust  _ herself.  _ Things are still so foreign here and, although she did train and soaked up sunlight as she sunbathed outside, she still feels unsure.   
Still, she didn’t lie. And if Alex says she won’t hurt her, then she does trust her. She puts all of her faith in Alex’s confidence and, slowly, she reaches out. Slowly, she lets her fingers touch the back of the Danvers’ hand, lets her fingers slide along soft skin and focuses on nothing else but the feeling of touching another person.

After a long moment letting herself get used to the feeling, get used to the weight of a human’s limb, she lets her hand lay more fully on Alex’s. After every movement she makes, she pauses and listens to Alex’s heartbeat to make sure everything is still alright, to make sure Alex isn’t saying she’s okay just for Kara’s sake.

The whole experience takes more than twenty minutes. Ten minutes for Kara to finally just  _ touch  _ Alex’s skin with her fingertips. Another ten minutes to place her whole hand on her foster sister’s. And now, her breathing controlled and her hands motionless, she takes a leap of faith, looking into Alex’s eyes before, and puts her other hand under their joined ones. 

After another few minutes, she relaxes and Alex notices. “I told you,” she grins, eyes sparkling in delight.

And Kara huffs out a breathless chuckle, shaking her head and squeezes just the tiniest bit Alex’s hands, now warmer trapped under Kara’s.

* * *

“It’s going to be okay.”

She had become tough, the strongest person Alex had ever seen, and the sisters were there for each other through thick and thin. Which lead them there, today.

Alex’s breathing is quick, too quick, too loud in the silence of the now deserted bus. They’re in the back of the vehicle, alone save for the really nice driver who understood what was going on and was giving them some time.   
It’s the first day back to school for Alex, and first day of Earth school for Kara, and the brunette is having something close to a panic attack. It’s the first day she goes back to her life from  _ before,  _ and the anxiety of not having her father drive her to school is overwhelming.

Thankfully, Kara is there for her and had known her fair share of panic attacks; still does, but with everything so  _ new,  _ Kara doesn’t make a distinction anymore. They still come, in her darkest and weakest moments, but it’s easier to deal with it with Alex by her side. It’s rarer now, and not as strong. The nightmares still are, though, but she still gets up every morning and pushes through it like the mighty Kryptonian she is.

Which is why, in the stuffy air from the bus which is parked in across the school, Kara reaches out and goes as far as putting her hands around the Danvers’ face. She wipes silent tears that made their way along the brunette’s cheeks with her thumbs and takes a breath.

“Alex,” she murmurs, trying to get her foster sister’s attention. “Alex.” It’s firmer now, her tone, trying to cut through the fog she’s sure Alex is experiencing in her mind. “Alex,” she says again, this time joined by a light tap against her cheek.

Light, but it works. At the contact, Alex blinks once, twice, then a third time before she frowns and looks around. She takes a shaky breath in, blinking a stray tear away, and the blonde is quick to wipe it away too with her sleeve.

“What…” Alex has to clear her throat, too tight to speak.

But Kara understands. “I think you had a panic attack,” she says in a small voice, shy and worried. She noticed how humans were more averse to weakness, saw signs of strength as something to get rid of, and she didn’t want Alex to panic — any more than she already had. Alex’s gaze drops to her lap, to her fingers wriggling unconsciously, and nods numbly at the blonde’s explanation. Kara frowns and puts both of her hands on Alex’s, no longer afraid of her strength; they worked hard on her control and she’s better now. “It’s okay,” she says, and it brings a smile to both of them, the memory of the sentence repeated so much at first when Kara didn’t know how to say anything else.

There’s a heavy silence after that, with Alex’s eyes locked on their joined hands as she finds the strength to say something,  _ anything  _ back. Finally, she settles on, “I miss him,” and it’s all she has to say.

Kara nods wordlessly next to her and timidly throws an arm around Alex’s shoulders and pulls her against her. She’s smaller than the brunette is, but the position works for both of them and they end up staying like that for a couple of minutes with Kara rubbing Alex’s arm.

Until the driver clears his throat, startling both of them as he stands a few feet in front of them with a hand on one of the seats with an apologetic expression. “Sorry girls, but I really have to go. Other kids to pick up,” he says with a vague gesture of his hand.

Kara sighs and lets Alex pull away, the brunette smiling weakly, a little sheepish around the edge as she shrugs with one shoulder and stands up. Satisfied that Alex  _ is  _ better and not just pretending, Kara offers her a smile of her own, sunnier than Alex’s, and follows her out of the bus after apologizing and thanking the driver. He waves their apologies away and sends them out with a smile.

The bus is always early, so the first bell hasn’t rung yet and they still have a few minutes before classes start. Alex has to go with Kara to the school administration office for her first day and she feels grateful to have something to postpone going back to class, see her classmates again.   
She smiles at Kara next to her, who nods at her encouragingly, and instead of taking Alex’s hand, they walk side by side until they’re in the building.

Because when she always knows when to reach out, she also knows when to  _ not  _ reach out. She can understand that need — the need to do something on her own — better than anyone. 

* * *

“Alex !”

The brunette hisses as she touches her knuckles, bruised and throbbing. Shimmery blue eyes betray her worry as Kara stares at Alex’s trembling hand, and her set jaw betrays her fury as she glares at Bobby’s bleeding nose with hatred.   
Kara’s broken out of the daggers she’s been staring at the young boy, ass on the floor, when Alex grabs both of their forgotten backpacks and brushes past her.

“Come on,” she growls, completely ignoring the classmate she just beat up.

Of course, Kara follows closely behind, worryingly eyeing Alex’s hand all the way until they’re outside. They’re the only ones there because it’s still class time and they went through the back door as to not be stopped by a staff member of the school, and Alex doesn’t relent on her long strides as she walks around the building.   
They don’t talk while they’re still on school grounds, the anger making Alex breathe heavily through her nose as she focuses on getting her foster sister as far away from this  _ idiot  _ as possible. She can’t believe the idiocy, the  _ audacity  _ this freaking ding dong had to come bother Kara on her  _ first day.  _

First, the freakout on the bus, then that ? What the hell was she doing ! She made a pact to herself that she’d protect Kara, but apparently she wasn’t even good at that. She frowns at the thought. She wasn’t good at that  _ yet.  _ Clearly, her foster sister deserved more than she had right now, and Alex was going to be the one to give that to her.

She doesn’t even register they’re far from school ground until Kara hesitantly touches her hand. It’s just a touch, back of hands brushing, but that jolts her right back to the present. She turns her head to see Kara’s is down, her blue eyes firmly staring at the ground with pursed lips. She’s clearly upset and Alex isn’t sure how to make her feel better.   
So she stops, the blonde taking a few more steps before realizing Alex isn’t at her side anymore, and she turns back with a confused expression. Which quickly turns sad and even…  _ fearful  _ ?

“Are you okay ?”

And if they weren’t in the forest right now, taking the shortcut that cut through leaves and dirt to get home without anyone around, Alex might have not heard her. But she did.

“Am I… Am  _ I  _ okay ? Kara...” she murmurs with a slight shake of her head, slowly approaching her. “I wasn’t the one being bullied.” Her eyes are softer than her voice, and Kara doesn’t dare looking up from her dirty shoes.

And it’s true. Alex hasn’t been the one cornered outside of the administration office and asked offensive questions about her family and Alex’s.

Kara knows her lower lip wobbles but sharply inhales instead of biting into it to mask her fear. “You had to p— punch someone,” she says in her small voice, looking so vulnerable with her hands pushed deep in her pockets. “I’m  _ sorry,”  _ she breathes out with her eyebrows scrunched up, eyes locked on the small crater she was creating with her foot.

Feeling a light headache coming, Alex sighs as she rubs her forehead, glowering at Kara’s foot. “You don’t have to be sorry.” But really, she still feels too angry with that stupid boy to be as soft and caring for Kara as she wants to be, so she just readjusts the straps of their backpacks around her shoulders and starts walking again. “Come on, let’s go home.”

It’s only a fraction, a sample, but the anger she feels is dangerously close to the one she’s felt since her dad’s death. And, weirdly, it doesn’t scare her, even though she knows it should. No one should hold so much power over her; over her feelings, but, clearly, Kara does. And Alex doesn’t mind.   
The forest is quiet, perfectly the kind of environment Kara needs when she’s upset, and Alex internally high fives herself for having thought about this path. It’s dark and away from civilization, so the Danvers didn’t want their daughter walking there alone; until Kara arrived and, suddenly, she wasn’t alone anymore.

She stops when she hears Kara isn’t following and, when she turns around, instructs the blonde to follow her with a slight tilt of her head and a small smile. That seems to be all that Kara needs to start moving again and, in a second, she’s by her side with a big smile of her own.

When they get home, Eliza is of course still at work, and they find themselves alone in the house. As soon as the door closes, Kara gently takes the bags out of Alex’s hands, puts them down, and tugs her up the stairs with her good hand.   
The brunette silently follows the little Kryptonian, their steps light and quick on the wooden stairs. Wordlessly, the blonde sits Alex down on the side of the tub and, with a look, tells her to stay there. Alex raises an eyebrow but doesn’t move, just patiently waits for her foster sister to come back.

And, a minute later, she’s at her side again with what Alex recognizes as the first aid kit. “I don’t need that,” she says as she rolls her eyes, ready to get up and promptly fall asleep on her bed. She didn’t get a wink of sleep last night because she kept thinking about her first day back to school without her dad, and about Kara’s first day at Earth school  _ without her dad.  _

A warm and persistent hand on her shoulder is all she needs to sigh and keep still, her eyes following Kara’s hands as she gets to work. The Kryptonian’s slender fingers work slowly, every movement measured and calculated as she keeps her touch feather light. The wet towel she uses to wipe out the bit of dried blood she has on her knuckles is, somehow, the perfect temperature and so soft to the touch. It almost feels good along her bruises.   
As Kara keeps cleaning up Alex’s hand, the brunette relaxes and even closes her eyes. She hears a breathless chuckle which prompts her to open one eye, too sleepy and relaxed to open the other.

“What’s funny ?” she mumbles, her voice quiet and almost slurred as sleep weighs heavily on her.

She sees Kara shake her head, eyes still on the wound. “Nothing,” she whispers, but chances a glance at Alex and even her  _ eyes  _ smile. “Only you would fall asleep when I’m cleaning up your blood,” she finally admits, and even if Alex didn’t have that one eye open, she would have  _ heard  _ that damn sunny smile in her voice. 

The brunette tries for a snort, but it comes out as an exhale instead and she shrugs for good measure. “It’s not my blood.”

She watches as the alien frowns then realizes just how tense her shoulders were when they slump, her smile now more dopey as she closes her eyes. “Oh,” she says in a relieved breath. “That’s good to hear.” And before Alex has the time to respond, the blonde shakes her head a bit and reaches in the first aid kit and sprays her hand with disinfectant. Alex grimaces because it stings, but not more than the pain she felt when her fist made contact with that tool’s nose. Or when she heard what he was saying to Kara. “Sorry,” Kara apologizes in a murmur and hurries to wipe it off, gently blowing on it.

She frowns in confusion when she sees Alex suddenly retracts her hand. Just as she’s about to ask if it hurts that much, Alex carefully announces, “Kara… I think your freeze breath has kicked in.” Her gaze is locked on Kara as the blonde just stares at the brunette’s hand.

“I— I’m— I’m sorry, Alex,” she whispers in horror, and her arms flail around her as she tries to find a solution, head turning in every direction. “We— We need… warm water,” she stutters, turning around before her foster sister puts a calming hand on her forearm to stop her.

“Hey,” Alex calls out, softly but firmly. “It’s fine. It wasn’t that cold, just a little but I was surprised,” she’s quick to reassure her. As always. 

Kara isn't convinced, but she nods and takes back her hand in hers; then, she gets an idea. She lowers her head at the same time she pulls Alex’s hand closer to her and she puts bruised and cold knuckles against her soft cheek, her warmth slowly thawing the thin layer of cold that appeared.   
The second Alex’s hand makes contact with Kara’s cheek she sighs in relief, eyes closed as she enjoys the painless moment; which she knows won’t last. It’s not the first time she’s punched someone.

“Feels good,” she whispers, and Kara’s thumb goes back and forth on her palm and it feels even better somehow. She sighs again, and she feels Kara’s cheek shifts under her hand. She opens her eyes (yes, both of them) to see Kara smiling happily at her, a soft pink on her cheeks.

Alex chuckles and Kara leans in more against the brunette’s hand, not even scared of her strength when it’s the most tactile she’s ever been.

* * *

They’re in their second year of high school and people don’t dare to go near Kara now. The incident with  _ Bobby the Tool _ is just a blip in Kara’s high school life since Alex has instilled fear among their peers; not that they weren’t already a bit scared, at least for those who knew her in middle school. Still, she didn’t have to do much.   
No acting, no pretending. Really, she just had to be herself, let her protective nature be free and her actions spoke louder than her words. Well… sometimes.

“I thought I told you to stay away from her,” Alex seethes, jaw clenched and hands already turned into fists at her side. 

The boy, Roddy, shakes his head with his palms up but doesn’t back up, which is impressive — even if it makes Alex’s tongue bleed to admit it, even internally. “N— No, I wasn’t bothering her,” he rushes to explain, eyes pleading as he finds blue ones over Alex’s shoulder.

Which is where Kara places a calming hand, Alex tense under her touch for about two seconds and then it’s all relaxed muscles — even if her look is still suspicious and doesn’t leave the guy’s face. “Kara, you don’t have to defend him,” she says, glancing over her shoulder before looking back to his sweaty face. “I’m sure  _ Lucy  _ here can find his way back to his locker just fine.” And if her words weren’t so condescending, her tone wouldn’t betray her resentment for him; she was  _ that  _ good.

“It’s  _ Roddy,”  _ he mumbles back, just low enough to let Alex know it bothered him. 

She screams  _ “Victory !”  _ in her mind.

“Alex,” the blonde says, and her pause is indication enough that she wants her foster sister to look at her. So she does. “He wasn’t bullying me,” she informs her in a soft voice, eyes never wavering and expression open. “We were just talking.”

Alex holds her gaze for a few seconds before turning back to  _ Trudy _ . “Is that true ?” The boy nods fast, a little too fast. “About what ?” And his face pales, and really, that’s all Alex needs to become tense again, almost shoving Kara’s hand off of her shoulder. Instead, she plows on and insists when the guy doesn’t answer. “About  _ what  _ ?” And her tone isn’t sweet anymore, it betrays her suspicion and hostility even more than her words.

“He was just asking about my plans for the weekend,” Kara says, and it’s supposed to soothe her foster sister’s worries. 

It doesn’t. “Tell me,” she demands instead, and she sees the moment the high school boy hesitates; the moment he considers just making a run for it. But, much to her surprise — and despair — he stays.

“I— I just— was about t— to ask her if she wanted to…” He pauses, looks worriedly above Alex’s shoulder and the brunette stands taller, shifts just so, until he can’t make out blue eyes anymore. He gulps. “If she wanted to go out this weekend,” he finally finishes, his voice small and eyes downcast. 

She hears a sharp inhale behind her, and she turns fully around so her frame still blocks out  _ his  _ frame. She stares at Kara, who’s staring at her, and she takes her time but eventually she asks, “Is that something you want ?”

Because, even if she made it her life mission to protect Kara from gross people — AKA  _ high school students _ — she can’t really say she succeeded if instead she put her in a prison. She spent long enough in one in space, she’s not about to let her overprotective feelings get in the way of her foster sister’s happiness.   
She’s not sure how she wanted the blonde to answer, can’t decide on what  _ she  _ wants to hear, but she knows she didn’t want to hear  _ that  _ when Kara finally replies. 

The Kryptonian’s smile is a bit unsure, her eyes a bit hesitant, but there’s also hope and determination in there too when she says, “Yeah,” with a little shrug. Like she’s feeling a little sheepish for some reason, like she expected Alex to throw a fit and reprimand her. 

But who is she to deprive the most important person in her life of experiences and, possibly, love ? Well, she wouldn’t go  _ that  _ far, not with  _ Loly  _ here, but still. One never knows. So she slowly exhales a breath through her nose and forces a smile.

“If that’s what you want.”

That’s all she says before she turns around, a deadly warning in the glare thrown at  _ Dany _ , and takes off. Not before sending another tight smile at Kara, just in case. And then she’s gone.

* * *

Kara doesn’t ride the bus with her after that. Not because she’s angry or confused — well, she’s definitely confused, but is confused about being confused so there’s too much confusion to be focusing on that — , but because she now spends her afternoons with  _ Poly _ .    
Frankly, Alex doesn’t see what her beloved alien sees in that coward, but if the blonde wants to go out and then come home to tell Alex all about it, then she  _ will  _ sit on that bed and listen to her.

“I couldn’t very well eat all of the ice cream I wanted, so I settled on two scoops, just like you taught me.” 

Kara was rambling, and Alex was listening. Kara was gushing, and Alex was grimacing — on the inside anyway, outside she was smiling and nodding. There’s a pause where Kara looks like she’s watching something far away, a specific spot on the wall, so Alex turns but sees nothing. 

“What is it ?” she asks, and even if her stories involving  _ Johnny  _ are making her ears bleed, her voice stays soft because she’s always soft for Kara; always gentle and loving. “What’s wrong ?”

The blonde blinks and focuses back on her foster sister sitting across from her. She leans back in her chair, gaze glued to her wringing hands and she shrugs. She hears the small sigh that escapes Alex’s lips and listens as she shifts then slides down from the bed. Then, she slides her butt forward with the help of her legs and doesn’t stop until she’s sitting right in front or Kara, on the floor, and chin barely reaching the blonde’s knees. And Kara doesn’t have a choice but to look into her hazel eyes, shining with patience and sincerity.

She sighs, looking away. “I don’t know,” she mumbles —  _ unconvincingly,  _ Alex might add. She sighs again when she sees Alex’s eyebrow up. She shrugs again. “I don’t feel  _ happy  _ seeing him outside of school,” she admits in a broken voice, as if admitting it made  _ her  _ broken. Alex doesn’t touch her, lets her talk. “I mean, it’s nice.  _ He’s  _ nice.” A pause. “I just don’t feel the excitement I’m apparently supposed to feel, so maybe it means I  _ can’t  _ feel it on Earth, or maybe I  _ can  _ but it’s just me. Maybe— Maybe the phantom zone broke me and I—”

_ “Kara,”  _ Alex almost hisses but reigns back just enough. “You’re not broken. You’re  _ not.  _ I promise. If you’re broken because you’re not head over heels for  _ Barry _ , then every high school students all over the world are broken.” She looks at Kara, a tenderness in her eyes she didn’t think she could have; could  _ feel.  _ “It’s normal, Kara. You’re just experiencing Earth dating, you’re living a normal life. I swear.”

She almost succeeds. Almost reassures Kara enough so she can smile again and forget this depressing moment. But the blonde’s smile dims after a moment and her relieved expression transforms into a frown. Which makes Alex frowns.

“Are you ?” Kara asks, and she has that focused look on.

Alex just frowns harder. “Am I what ?”

And Kara lowers her head, lowers her upper body until her hands reach Alex’s on the blonde’s calves, until her forehead touches Alex’s. “Living a normal life,” she says in a whisper, and she pulls back to look into brown eyes with Alex’s hands on her lap. The brunette just stares at her with wide eyes and mouth agape, like she can’t exactly grasp what Kara is asking her. “Are you ?” Kara asks again, and Alex can tell that she really worries, that her question is genuine and her concerns are too.

“I’m—” Still, she flounders for an answer, and soon her breathing is a bit quicker and she feels cold sweat on her back. “I’m— Ye— Yeah, I am.” She gulps, eyes leaving Kara’s for a second. “Why ?”

She’s not exactly sure why she’s reacting this way. Maybe it’s because she never really has been attracted by sweaty jocks, and more by long, smooth legs and silky hair. Or maybe it’s because she hasn’t seen anyone that way since a certain alien came crashing into her life and shone so bright it eclipsed everything and everyone else.   
And maybe it’s because her eyes are so piercing she finds herself wanting to lean in, just a bit. Although she doesn’t know why. Or she just doesn’t want to think about why she does want to lean in, and close the gap between their breaths.

Kara’s touch goes from Alex’s hand to her cheek, and she stops breathing as she feels her soft palm shift a bit, pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. “Are… you sure ? You don’t sound sure.”

“I’m—” And once again, she feels choked up and can’t get the words out. And even if she could, what would she say ? She doesn’t want to freak Kara out. She doesn’t want to freak  _ herself  _ out, because she has never said those kind of fears out loud. But once again, she finds herself leaning in Kara, this time in her calming and trusty aura, and this time, words come flowing. “I don’t think I like b— boys,” she rushes out, and when she realizes what she just said, her face heats up and her eyes well up.

She can’t look at Kara, not after  _ that,  _ but she can’t pull away when Kara’s worried, when she’s a mess because of her emotions on Earth. So, instead, she stays where she is but puts her forehead against the blonde’s knees and hides her face from observing blue eyes.   
She expects the silence that follows, she  _ understands.  _ She doesn’t even know if Kara knows what it means, how society sees it; how her  _ mother  _ sees it, because she sure as hell doesn’t know how Eliza sees this kind of thing.

What she doesn’t expect is Kara’s confused, “Okay…?”

With her own confused expression, Alex looks up in question. “What ?” she asks, unsure. Because, surely, that couldn’t be it. Or maybe it was exactly what it was. Kara just didn’t know what it meant. So she sighs, her eyes focusing on her hands, still on Kara’s lap. “Kara, it means—” 

“I know what it means,” she cuts her off, but the confusion is still present in her voice. “But… and ?”

_ “And ?”  _ Alex repeats with a disbelieving scoff, shaking her head in disbelief as she looks disbelievingly at her foster sister. All in all, she can’t believe it.  _ “And,”  _ she drawls, a small smile on her lips because, even if Kara doesn’t understands the implications, she’s smart enough to know what it means and she doesn’t seem disgusted or even  _ surprised.  _ “Not everyone is okay with that. Usually it’s… boys with girls. Not boys with boys or girls with girls.”

This time, she waits patiently and calmly for Kara’s response. And she’s not disappointed. “Oh. Okay. So, what ? We don’t tell anyone ?” 

Then, Alex’s small smile becomes radiant and Kara follows suit, just happy seeing the brunette like this. “Yeah,” Alex chuckles, still in disbelief. “For now.”

“Okay,” Kara seriously nods and, as seriously, she takes Alex’s face in her hands and looks at her dead in the eyes. “So, is there some secret club for girls who want to be with girls in secret ?”

At that, Alex bursts out laughing and lets herself sink into the warm comfort of Kara’s hug, lets herself be held, her back be rubbed as she feels all of her muscles relax.  _ Kara, the muscle relaxer,  _ Alex thinks with a dopey smile on her face, hidden in the blonde’s shoulder.

And if Eliza finds them hugging on the floor of their bedroom when she comes home that night, she doesn’t say anything. Just smiles.

* * *

They’re older when their touches become more insistant, a little more intimate. More public, too.

Well, not much older. They’re now in their last year of high school, and even if Alex still scares everyone — staff included —, she lets herself melt anytime she feels Kara’s hand around hers or just brushing against her cheek. She knows she shouldn’t, for appearances sake, and doesn’t even understand how she became that type of person, but she can’t say it bothers her  _ that  _ much.   
She’s more than fine with it. Because her tough exterior is just that; an exterior. Inside, she very much aches for comfort and warm touch, for light grazes and soft eyes. And Kara is everything.

At first, she let herself be comforted only through her mother’s hugs, in the privacy of their home; or sometimes, when she really needed it, in their car when Alex could feel her heart beat too fast.   
Ever so slowly, Kara arrived and pulled Alex closer and closer until the brunette couldn’t help but soften when her warm skin made contact with Alex’s cold one — colder than most humans even, damn bad blood flow. Even if it meant compromising the image she built for herself as the town badass.

And that’s why no one bats an eye when it happens. When Kara sits next to Alex at lunch and one arm around the brunette’s shoulder as the alien celebrates lunch time is enough to make the Danvers daughter visibly relax to anyone who might be looking. But no one reacts anymore.   
They know that Alex’s loosened shoulders don’t mean she won’t threaten anyone who might look at her foster sister the wrong way. They know that the badass brunette won’t hesitate to lose the easy smile she gets when she sees her favorite alien coming only to snarl at passersby. 

And even Alex doesn’t mind changing her glare into something soft when Kara easily takes her hand in the hallway just when someone bumped into Alex, her shoulder slightly throbbing but quickly forgotten in favor of enjoying the way her tight expression slacken the instant she feels warmth around her hand. 

“Hey,” she greets with a smile, the pain in her shoulder already out of her mind.

“Hey !” And Kara beams, as she usually does when she sees her foster sister between two classes. “Want to grab some ice cream after school ?”

“Yeah,” Alex answers, doesn’t even have to think about it really. 

She feels Kara squeeze her hand before letting go, slowly, letting their fingers linger until the warmth Kara left behind is just a cold memory. The brunette rubs the spot on her hand and bounces on her feet until the end of the day, excited to have her favorite person’s hand in hers again.

* * *

She sighs when the last bell rings, closing her book with a  _ smack,  _ and keeps her expression bored as she packs her stuff up and walks the hallway to wait for Kara at their usual spot. It still raises some eyebrows when her expression lights up as soon as Kara waves at her from the end of the hallway but, again, no one says anything.

“Ready for ice cream ?” Alex asks, almost gushes, and it might sound like teasing for some, but Kara knows it’s just Alex being excited because  _ Kara’s  _ excited about it.

So Kara just squeals, “Yes !” and jumps up and down — gently, like she’s been taught to do — and pulls Alex by the hand.

Walking around town hand in hand is something Alex has never thought she’d do. First because she’s not snugly like that, doesn’t  _ want  _ to, even with her family, and because she’s not big into PDA so even if she was dating someone, it wouldn’t show.   
But with Kara… It’s a different story. The ease the blonde makes her feel makes all of her worries and discomfort fly away. And so, she lets herself be dragged around toward the ice cream shop by the hand, not caring if everyone sees Kara having all the power in this relationship.

What she doesn’t know, it’s that Kara thinks the same about her.

* * *

A year later and Alex is away at Stanford, settled in her dorm room while Kara is on the other side of the country at Stanhope. At first, she hadn’t wanted to accept the opportunity, the thought of being so far from Midvale and from Alex so scary that the brunette couldn’t even talk to her about it without making her mad.   
After a while, Alex had been able to coax Kara out of her defensive shell and she found the root of the problem — abandonment issues. It wasn’t surprising, she even expected it, but the fact that it was holding the blonde back from building her future was maddening. 

And now, the older Danvers daughter is sitting on her bed, feet on the floor and head in her hands. Her elbows painfully dig into her thighs but the discomfort tether her in the present when her mind just swirl with the past and anxieties about the future. They had planned on Kara being homesick but hadn’t thought about Alex; even the brunette herself was sure she was going to soar once out of her dead father’s house.

Suddenly, a voice booms from below and she blinks, frowning at the phone in her hand. She hadn’t even realized she called someone.

_ “Hello, Alex ? Are you okay ?”  _ The sweet voice is enough to put Alex into action.

“Kara ?” Her voice is hoarse, as if she’d just cried her eyes out, but she thinks she might just have lost track of time and hasn’t spoken for hours.

There’s a relieved sigh on the other end of the line.  _ “I’m here.”  _ And it comforts the brunette so quickly it might be magic.  _ “What is it ? Did something happen ?”  _

Even through a device, her distorted, Kara always notices right away if something’s up. “I…” She tries to talk, tries to articulate her feelings, but her heart is beating too fast and her hand is a shaking fist on her thigh. “Kara, I— I don’t…” Her throat is closing up, her chest tightening around the painful thudding of her heart, and her vision is blurry because of the tears.

There’s a creaking sound, like something being held too tightly, and she hears Kara take a deep breath.  _ “Are you in your room right now ?”  _

Alex nods a few times before realizing she can’t actually see her. “Ye— Yes.” 

_ “Okay, just— stay calm, okay ?”  _

And the brunette wants to laugh because she  _ can’t  _ but the line dies and she finds herself alone with her thoughts again. It’s like a bad joke, Kara throwing her a flimsy advice before hanging up, and she throws her phone across the room before clutching at her hair in anger.   
She stands up abruptly, wanting to punch something in her frustration, but she feels so dizzy she lets herself sink down on the floor with her back against her bed. She can’t focus on anything and her hand is gripping her shirt, the room too hot and suffocating.

For a second, she feels better because there’s a gush of wind but it’s quickly over and followed by the sound of a closing door. She doesn’t pay attention to that however because, even if she could focus on anything else than her breathing, it’s so common for other students to slam their doors that she just learned to ignore it. 

She doesn’t expect something warm on her calves though, and it makes her look up in a jolt. She inhales sharply when a set of two deep blue eyes settles on hers and long blonde hair fall around a thin frame. Her eyes widen at the surprise.  _ “Kara ?  _ What are you doing here ?” She knows, but she also knows her foster sister  _ can’t  _ be here.

Kara’s sheepish look is brief and quickly replaced but intensity and care. “I came for you,” she says in a tone that suggests that Alex should just  _ think before speaking.  _ “Are you okay ?” Her eyes are searching Alex’s, and her hands remain on the brunette’s legs because she knows just how disorienting panic attacks are.

“I…” She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times because,  _ yes,  _ she feels better and hadn’t even realized. “Yeah…” she says with a frown, surprised but, mostly, confused.

The blonde shrugs with one shoulder and smiles softly. “Sometimes, being surprised can stop a panic attack,” she explains, as if it’s normal to know such things.

“Did you read that in a CatCo magazine ?” Alex asks in a breathless chuckle, still a bit dizzy but focused back on the present; on the radiant woman in front of her.

Kara snorts with adoration in her eyes as she shakes her head at her foster sister’s way of turning the attention away from her. “No, I just… did some research.” It’s a bit mysterious and she looks almost embarrassed. Unfortunately for her, Alex has a way to push a bit more when she feels vulnerable.

“Some research, huh ?”

The Kryptonian can still hear the brunette’s rapid heart but it slowed down significantly compared to how fast it was before she arrived. Seeing the insecurity on Alex’s face, she decided to satisfy her curiosity. 

She shrugs but, this time, it’s not as nonchalant as earlier and her cheeks are pinker now. “Yeah, after… You know, my first day of school.” She purposely talks about  _ her  _ first day and not Alex’s — the first day back without her dad. 

Still, Alex has a good memory, especially for these kind of things, and she immediately knows what Kara is referring to. “My panic attack…” she whispers as she remembers, her eyes vacant as old feelings flood her brain once more.

But this time, Kara is here to anchor her and she sees Alex’s fingers twitch on her lap and notices the need in her eyes; she takes the brunette’s cold hands in hers and squeezes gently. “And remember when you punched the boy who bothered me that day ?”

The oldest Danvers lets out a watery laugh as she squeezes back, knows what her favorite person is doing by diverting her attention on something else; but she lets her. “Bobby the Tool,” she snarls with a grimace. Oh, she remembers. “I should have done more than just break his nose,” she bitterly reminisces, regret in her voice.

“Okay, let’s calm down Agent Danvers,” Kara says laughing, bringing her foster sister’s hands to her face, her eyes betraying just how much she loves Alex as they almost twinkle with tenderness. “You protected me that day, I still remembers how long your knuckles stung.” The guilty expression is quickly replaced by devotion as she looks intensely into hazel eyes. “That was the day I swore to myself I would always be there for you,” she confesses, the brunette’s fingers almost touching Kara’s lips.

The fervor in the blonde’s gaze unsettles Alex a little, reigniting something buried deep within, and she shifts uneasily with her hands still tenderly trapped in Kara’s. “What—” She has to gulp, her mouth suddenly dry. “What about before then, you would have left me for dead ? Brat.” It’s safe ground, teasing, something they do relentlessly; it’s heavier now, though, and Alex can see the shift in the Kryptonian’s eyes.

Still, she warily smiles and, seemingly automatically, pushes a strand of auburn hair hair behind Alex’s ear before catching herself and retreating. “No, you dork. Just… a little maimed, maybe. Not too much, though.” 

Her tone is so earnest — Alex often forgets her foster sister can lie really well sometimes — that the brunette can’t help but snort.  _ “You  _ dork,” she retorts with a fond smile and, just like that, the tension is broken and the heaviness in the room disappeared. There’s a short silence where both women just look at each other with tenderness and love before Alex’s eyes soften even more. “Thank you for coming,” she murmurs, and there’s a light flush on her cheek.

Grabbing Alex’s hands in hers, Kara’s eyebrows are scrunched up with the intensity of her gaze, the Kryptonian nods seriously. “Always.” Then, the blonde’s hands leave Alex’s and she immediately misses the warmth, but it’s brief — Kara quickly settles next to her foster sister against the bed and raises her left until Alex shifts and tucks her body against Kara’s. “Do you want to talk about what happened ?” Her voice is a whisper and her face is so open that Alex knows she wouldn’t mind if she didn’t want to talk about it. 

Still, she needs to in order to get it out of her chest. “It’s just… more difficult than I anticipated,” she admits in a small voice, her head resting on Kara’s collar bone.

“The classes ?” the Kryptonian asks as her arm tightens its hold around Alex’s shoulder.

Nodding against her foster sister’s body, Alex closes her eyes. “And being away from you — from mom… I thought I’d like to be on my own for a while, but…”

It feels like Kara’s whole body is wrapping itself around Alex’s; she knows what she’s doing, knows Alex likes the pressure, knows it reassures her, makes her feel safer. “I know,” she mumbles, her lips against the brunette’s hair. “I have been… struggling as well,” she reveals. “It’s good to see you,” she croaks out, lowering her face so it’s hidden in long, dark hair.

It says a lot for Kara to admit to her weakness. Not because she’s ashamed of it — no, Alex quickly found out Kryptonians didn’t see feelings as a weakness, but rather as a strength — but because admitting it means possibly making Alex feel bad for not being here for her enough. It’s not true, of course, but the Danvers’ special skill is guilt.

Being at Stanhope, Kara is on the opposite side of the country — far from Midvale, and even further away from Alex. The usually poised Danvers had fought against her own selfishness and had convinced Kara to go; it has the best art program and it’s subjective enough that the Kryptonian didn’t have to hold back, which got her a scholarship.    
Neither of the sisters wanted to be separated, especially this much, but they both knew they had to — that it’d be good for them. They had become a bit too close, a bit too dependent on another, and Alex worried that it interfered with Kara’s adjustment to Earth and its customs.

After a long, tearful conversation and snotty confessions, the blonde was convinced and agreed to go to Stanhope. It hadn’t been easy, Alex had to lock themselves in their room and force Kara to say what really stopped her. The answer had been really obvious in insight —  _ Alex.  _   
She had nodded and confessed that it was rough for her as well, but that it was the best for both of them; for their future. Kara’s ears perked up when the brunette said that it’d be good for  _ them,  _ and not only for Kara, and she had immediately agreed. Who was she to stand between her favorite human and her future ?

Alex tilts her head to the side and buries it into Kara’s neck, the need for contact — and more precisely, for Kara’s warm skin — too much. “I’m so happy you’re here.” Her words come out muffled by the blonde’s skin, and it’s hoarse because of the sudden emotions lodge in her throat.

If possible, Kara squeezes Alex even tighter in her arms and they’re so close and intertwined that they don’t even know how they’re going to untangle. They don’t care, though, because, for now ? Everything’s perfect.

* * *

“Don’t touch me,” she growls, her hand snapping rough fingers away from her face. 

They’re insistent though, and they keep coming back for more. “Come on,” the drunk college boy says with a grin, “let’s just have fun. Want something to drink ?”

He trapped her in a dark corner of the house where the party took place, right outside the hallway leading to the main room and they’re the only persons here. She thinks of all those days spent in a chair, in a bed, studying and working and remembers of the sports and exercise she’d been doing as a kid — she definitely don’t have the muscle to push him away now.

He tries to softly brush her cheek with the back of his fingers, she can tell, but it’s stiff and forceful. She turns her head to try and escape the ungentle hand but it follows her, along with his alcohol breath. “Get away from me,” she snaps and, this time, she slaps the hand away. 

She knows she shouldn’t have, knows in cases like that ? It makes things worse. But she doesn’t really have a choice and Kara who surprisingly came with her is still in the other room; she doesn’t expect to be saved, not with the way music is blaring and laughter is loud above everything else — not with a super-hearing that easily goes into overdrive in situations like this.   
The remorse hits her with a rush, regret at having invited Kara to his party. She thought it’d do her some good so go out and meet people after having transferred from so far away; she just wanted a night out with her best friend and introducing her to a few people so she wouldn’t be so alone. But, sometimes, it’s better to be alone — it’s a lesson hard learned, but it’s going to stay with her now.

There’s pain in her wrist when he suddenly grabs it and pins it against the wall behind her with a mask of fury. “What’s your problem ?” he snarls, his face now too close to hers. “It’s a party. You wouldn’t have come if you didn’t want to have fun !” He keeps his voice low and there’s genuine confusion on his face, like he doesn’t understand how anyone can come and not want…  _ that.  _

“Yeah ? Well, that’s not  _ my  _ kind of fun.” Her voice is oddly even, weirdly calm, and she thinks it might be shock; or sheer terror maybe, she doesn’t really know.

He scoffs and sways a little, spraying her shoes with what’s left in his plastic cup and she scrunches up her nose —  _ whiskey. How original,  _ she mentally sasses.

He takes a step back, his hand still trapping hers against the wall, and he looks at her with a frown. She thinks he might be actually  _ thinking  _ and realizing what he’s doing — or just realizing she really doesn’t want this and not just playing hard to get. Just as he’s opening his mouth and Alex can finally see a happy ending to this night, someone comes through barreling.

Shoving him hard enough for him to fall violently on his back, Kara now stands between Alex and the fallen guy. “She said  _ no,”  _ she growls and, when Alex goes next to her to talk her down, she sees something glowing where there shouldn’t be.

_ “Kara,”  _ she hisses, but the Kryptonian doesn’t move, doesn’t react to her name being called in urgency, just keeps staring at the disoriented boy on the floor. It’s the first time that laser-vision kicked in and Alex isn’t sure what to do. “Kara,” and there’s a warning in her voice, hoping it’ll go through whatever is happening in her foster sister’s mind. 

And it does. The blue slowly comes back and she blinks several times before meeting her gaze. Alex wants to reach out but isn’t sure of her reaction, isn’t sure that’s what Kara needs or even wants right now. But, as usual, the blonde knows her and delicately pushes her hair out of her face before putting a warm palm against her cheek.

Her eyes are so tender, so soft when she speaks. “Are you okay ?” Her voice is too. “Did he hurt you ?”

Without thinking about it, Alex rubs at her wrist, but shakes her head. “He didn’t.”

But Kara wouldn’t be Kara if she hadn’t noticed the way she touched the sore spot. “He  _ did,”  _ she says, her voice low and her chest rumbling with something raw and almost animal. It makes Alex freeze for a second before she notices a pair of eyes lighting up again.

“Kara, stop it !” She knows she sounds frantic but she  _ is  _ because it’s new and there isn’t her parents with her to tell her how to handle this. “Your eyes !” she whispers urgently, her hand going over Kara’s and squeezing hard.

“What ?” Kara mumbles with a frown, her hands automatically going to her eyes before pushing the palms of her hands against them forcefully — like it’d stop anything. “What do I do ?” she asks in a scared whisper and, suddenly, the roles are reversed and Alex is saving Kara.

“Just— come on.” Leaving the stumbling mess behind them, still looking around in a daze on the floor, Alex puts a hand against the blonde’s back and the other one on her elbow and leads her outside. She almost doesn’t warn her about the three steps separating the porch from the street but remembers she might not use her x-ray vision if the other power takes over. “Careful there, three steps,” she murmurs as she slows them down and, even if the movements are a bit awkward with her hands on her eyes, Kara is able to make it outside without falling — which is more than usual when she  _ doesn’t  _ have vision problems.

“Where are we going ?” Her voice trembles but it’s not surprising. Most might walk very slowly because of the risk of tripping or running into something, but Kara trusts Alex implicitly and walks with confidence; except for her hunched shoulders, but that’s because of the fear.

Her hand starts stroking comforting circles on her foster sister’s back, her other one squeezing lightly in reassurance. “Just behind the house, there’s a forest or something. We can’t get you home like that, so we’ll just… I’m going to take care of it, okay ?” She doesn’t really know what she can do but didn’t lie — she  _ will  _ take care of it.

They pass by other students, but they don’t pay attention to them — they’re too busy drinking and laughing and kissing. Alex grimaces at the sight, not really her scene, but keeps leading Kara into the cover of the shadows; it’s dark, but lit up by the moon enough for even the human to see where she’s walking.   
Once far enough, she stops them behind a large tree and gently pushes Kara’s back against it; knows she needs something to touch during these moments, something to tether her. Her hands go to the blonde’s wrists but she quickly realizes that she’s shaking and doesn’t let Alex pull her hands away.

“Kara,” she whispers, easily heard in the silence. “It’s okay.”

But Kara’s already shaking her head. “No,” she gasps and sniffs and, oh, she’s crying. “What if I hurt you ?”

“You’re not going to—”

“You don’t know that !” she snaps before gasping again as sobs take over. “I could— I could  _ have,  _ back there,” she whispers so quietly Alex wouldn’t have heard her if it wasn’t for the total silence the forest offers.

“No, no. Kara,” she murmurs, giving up on tearing her hands away and, instead of pulling, just strokes her thumbs over the back of Kara’s hands. “You  _ helped  _ me,” she assures, putting as much comfort in her voice as she can. “You  _ saved  _ me.” She doesn’t know if it’s the real truth, doesn’t know if the man wasn’t ready to stop when she arrived, but the result is the same. “Come on,” she whispers soothingly as she wipes stray tears below Kara’s hands. “Remember when we used to work on your strength ?” Kara’s nod is jerky but it’s there — she’s there, in the present, not lost in  _ what ifs  _ and that’s enough for Alex. “And remember what I told you then ?”

The blonde’s reaction is slower this time, more hesitant, but Alex knows it means she’s getting through to her. She slowly nods and croaks out, “You told me you trusted me.”

Even knowing she can’t see her, the brunette still nods because she can see Kara’s breathing is slowing down, can see she’s not pushing that hard against her eyes anymore. “Yeah,” she breathes, lovingly stroking Kara’s hair back. “And I still do, more than anyone. Now… do you trust  _ me ?”  _

“Always,” Kara immediately replies, and her voice carries more strength now, more confidence.

Under her touch, Alex feels her foster sister relaxing her muscles. “Okay, then… Trust me now ?” she asks, gently pulling at warm and strong hands, not wanting to force her but wanting to help her as well. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. I think it kicked it when you were angry because it stopped the first time.”

There a silence where Kara freezes. “The first time ?”

Another pause. “You didn’t feel it ?”

“I—  _ no,”  _ she whimpers, and it feels like her fears are coming back at full force. “No, I didn’t feel it. Alex, how can I stop it if I don’t feel it, wh—”

“I told you, I’ll help you.” She sighs, her chest too tight for the sadness and grief she feels for Kara, for the way she can’t be normal on Earth; can’t  _ not  _ worry about everything she does, how she does it, and everything she says and how she says it. “I’m here,” she whispers, sliding her hands around Kara’s neck and behind her ears, lightly scratching the back of her head; knows she likes it, knows it relaxes her and helps her focus on the feeling rather than on all of her other senses. “Just… let go.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Kara’s hands tremble as she pulls them away from her face, inch by inch. The process is slow but it’s cautious. Bit by bit, the blonde reveals her face again — it’s tense, like stone, and her eyes are scrunched closed. “What if it isn’t gone ?” she breathes out, hands clasped tight in Alex’s.

“Well…” She pauses to think because, really, it’s a first and she doesn’t want to give false advice. “What do  _ you  _ feel ?” she asks, her voice soft. “Just… focus on your eyes.”

_ “Just focus on your eyes,”  _ Kara parrots in a grumble. “You make it sound so easy.”

Alex can’t hold back the chuckle but she’s glad she couldn’t, because next thing she knows, Kara follows her and they both laugh at the blonde’s childish defense mechanism. “See ? Just let this feeling go through you, just think about… about the time mom caught you red-handed when you were, technically, stealing from the school’s kitchen.”

Kara snorts and says, “Well, she wouldn’t have yelled at me if she knew the kitchen lady told me I could come take a snack from time to time.” Alex is chuckling but quickly stops because the blonde is slowly opening her eyes. She keeps them down at first, worried she might hurt Alex if it wasn’t really gone, but slowly looks up with a hesitant smile. “How does it look ?”

Raising her eyebrows, the brunette makes a show of checking her body for any injuries before grinning at her foster sister. “Well, you haven’t burned a hold through me yet so I’d say you’re good,” she says as she pats the blonde’s shoulder that sags at her touch.

She sighs in relief and lets herself rest against the tree behind her, rubbing her forehead. “I’m so glad it’s over.”

“Well…” Alex takes a step forward and her body is almost flushed against the Kryptonian’s. “I wouldn’t say  _ over  _ yet, but we’ll work on it,” she promises with a nod and a gentleness in her eyes that has Kara looking back with concern.

“What about you ?” she breathes, her voice still breaking on the last word. “Are you okay ?”

“Me ?” Alex immediately frowns in confusion before rubbing Kara’s arms, bringing her foster sister comfort. “I told you, you didn’t hurt me.”

But the blonde is shaking her head, her gaze still fixed on Alex’s. “No, I meant… before I got there. He… He didn’t hurt you, did he ?” Her frame is trembling under Alex’s hands and she tries to reel it in but the anger she feels is something she hasn’t felt in a  _ long  _ time — it’s even worse than when Alex put herself in harm’s way and punch Bobby back in high school.

“Hey, no, I’m fine,” she quickly assures her, hands from Kara’s arms to her own side. “I promise, you got here in time.” 

Her smile is strained though, and her crossed arms say everything Kara needs to know before she engulfs her foster sister in a warm, comforting hug. “I’m sorry this happened,” she whispers in her ear, arms squeezing tighter when she feels the brunette reciprocating the gesture. “And I swear that now that I’m also in National City, I’ll always be there to protect you.” The words are said with such strength and confidence that Alex can’t help but melt against the warm body.

“I didn’t let you transfer from Stanhope just so you can keep me safe, Kara,” Alex chides and goes to pull away but the blonde doesn’t let her.

“First of all,” Kara huffs, dark hair flying with the gesture, “you didn’t  _ let me  _ do anything, that was my choice.” She pauses. “And if Eliza has anything to say to you about it, well… I won’t let her.” She’s still not that good with jibes or anything that comes close to it, but she’s trying. It’s cute. 

“Kara…” She knows Kara sees and hears when Eliza reprimands her daughter for something that was out of her control when it comes to their Kryptonian, but she doesn’t want her to feel bad about it because it’s not her fault.

_ “And,”  _ the blonde drawls, not letting her speak, “I came here because their art program is good and it’s closer to you. I thought that after la— last year, it’d be good for us...” Her voice is so quiet then, so insecure, and Alex’s heart feels like it’s squeezing itself in the face of such apprehensiveness. 

“It  _ is,”  _ Alex hastily replies, this time pulling away and taking the warm face between her hands so Kara’s teary eyes would look at hers. “And I’m so glad you did,” she says in a breath, a ghost of a smile in her voice, “but I just don’t want your life being about protecting mine. You escaped the end of a world for a reason, I want you to have the future you want.”

Words get stuck in Kara’s throat, her mouth, her chest, her whole being because she can’t say what she wants to. She can’t say that the future she wants is not only  _ with  _ Alex, but just…  _ Alex.  _ That protecting her isn’t her whole life, but being with her is. She knows she can’t say it, has learned the ramifications of such words, and has kept it for herself long enough that she can’t stop now.

“Okay,” is what she says instead, but she can’t stop herself from whispering, “I still want you there, though.”

The scoffs that falls out of Alex’s quivery lips is watery and breathless almost.  _ “Duh,”  _ she breathes out as she shakes her head, like she hasn’t thought of any future where she wasn’t in Kara’s. 

“Okay.” And Alex is back in Kara’s arms, both women burying their faces in the crook of the other’s neck, and their feelings deep within.

* * *

The pain in her head is nothing compared to the one in her chest. The pounding is making it difficult to think, but shame and guilt always come easy for Alex.

She’s blown off Kara for the third time this week and she feels so bad, but she doesn’t see another solution — not until she gets her life back on track. The only problem is… she doesn’t know how to do it, not with how her self-destructive tendencies push her to drink — and worse — instead of studying. Not with the letter saying  _ ACADEMIC PROBATION  _ on the counter.   
She needs her sister, needs comfort and quiet reassurances, but she can’t face her; not like that. She can’t when she’s the one who pushed her to work hard for her future, when she’s the one who pulled away when things got hard. 

She always pulls away when things get hard. This thought is a bitter reminder of her first year at college, when she stopped texting so much even though she missed her so much. She’d rather bask in her loneliness and despair rather than face it with Kara, that’s how messed up she is.    
It’s a dark thought, but it is what it is. She knows who she is, and that’s not good enough for Kara. She has never been and it’s even worse now, so the best thing for the intelligent and courageous Kryptonian is for her to stay away. She’s always done the best for her, and she’s doing it again now.

Or so she thinks.

She falters in her decision when she sees Kara’s eyes drop when Alex says, “I don’t really have time right now.” It’s hard to remember what made her think that pulling away was a good idea when the blonde dejectedly puts the breakfast the bough on the counter. It suddenly comes back when the mail is right next to it, the same letter mocking her for days, and it has her back straightening in fear. “I’m sorry,” she says with the best grimace she can muster — the grimace is real, it’s the emotion behind it that’s all wrong.

“Yeah, I know,” Kara sighs, unconsciously playing with the letters without really seeing them. “You shouldn’t push yourself too hard.” 

The worry comes back at the sight and she’s quick to snap the pieces of paper out of her foster sister’s hands. “I’m not,” she lies, breathless, and her laugh is too forced, too fake. “Just— old mail,” she mumbles unconvincingly before throwing them on the coffee table behind them. “I really should get going.” Yet another lie, she hasn’t even showered yet.

She’s dying for a touch, for a caress of Kara’s fingers against her cheek, but she doesn’t ask, doesn’t show — she doesn’t deserve it.

Kara’s nod is slow, numb, and she feels like she’s hurting more than she’s protecting her — feels like she’s more protecting herself. “I see.” Disappointed. Hurt. Sad. “Well, knock ‘em dead,” she chuckles with the saddest smile and when Alex is opening the door, she expects her foster sister to wave her goodbye and go but, instead, she takes one look at Alex and hugs her. “I love you,” she mumbles in her hair and Alex’s arms tighten around her body in response.

“Love you,” she says back and, even if it’s a bit strangled, the feeling is conveyed well enough. 

The hug lingers a bit longer than usual, the embrace firmer, and Kara’s muscles less relaxed under Alex’s touch, but neither of them mention it and then Kara’s gone.

* * *

“You look better.” Kara’s smile is genuine now, it’s not the tight line she used to have since Alex started going under. No, this one is bright and real and  _ relieved.  _ That’s what makes Alex feel bad, knowing she put her foster sister through hell these past few months, but that’s over now.

And so she nods and smiles back, a real smile one. “Yeah, I feel better too.” She shifts on her seat, her back to the corner at the table they’re sitting at Noonan’s. Now that she’s training and learning about how to spot possible threats and how to be as careful as possible, she feels like she’s been reckless until now.

Kara is sitting across from her, positively beaming at her foster sister — she hasn’t lied, she looks  _ good.  _ And not just in the she doesn’t have bags under her eyes way, but in the way her muscles are more prominent now, although she’s still lean, and in the way she moved easily through the crowd of bodies when they entered the coffee shop without shying away from others.   
Usually, Alex always used to either walk without looking at who she was pushing with her body, or just avoided any kind of contact; there was no balance, no in between. It was a proof of just how bad she felt about herself, how unsure she felt. But all of those insecurities seem gone now and Kara couldn’t be happier.

And she says so, “I’m glad,” with a smile. “How’s work at Stanford ?”

Easily, Alex slips into her fake life and her fake experiments in the university she doesn’t go to — anymore. “It’s going great.” She doesn’t really lie, she just uses metaphors to talk about her real job; also, she doesn’t really go in the field yet, so it’s mostly training and lab time. “There was a security breach and we had to quarantine the whole floor,” she almost brags with right eyes, and that’s code for  _ an alien escaped and we had to put the whole agency on lock down to capture him.  _ Still, it was pretty exciting.

But Kara’s nose is scrunched up and she’s scowling. “That doesn’t sound very safe. Are you okay ?” She knows it’s silly to worry now, especially with how serious Alex is about protocols, but she can’t help herself.

“I’m fine,” Alex easily waves the blonde’s concerns away with a grin. “Didn’t last long.” She hopes Kara can’t see the admiration in her eyes as she remembers how Hank put the escapee back in his cage with an ease that only comes with years of experience. “Anyway, how are  _ your  _ classes ?” she redirects and, even without the DEO training, she always knew how to put the attention away from her.

But Kara also always knew when Alex did, and so the blonde gives her a knowing look but allows it all the same. “It’s fine,” she says with a shrug. And she leaves it at that.

The new DEO agent raises an eyebrow and leans forward on the table, her coffee cup to her lips. “That good, huh ?” She knows how college can be, how it  _ was,  _ and she hopes Kara isn’t hiding more than a few bad grades behind that easy smile.

Kara shrugs again but she looks more relaxed with her foster sister’s full attention, feels like she can speak without causing her to retreat again. “It’s just…  _ easy,”  _ she says with a frown.  _ Frustrated,  _ Alex notes. “I mean… is it supposed to be this easy ? I don’t know, I just— Art is cool though,” she quickly backpedals and talks about something easier — she’s still afraid she’ll make the human flee at this point, the genuine smile and rested eyes too recent still.

It’s Alex turn to send her foster sister a knowing smile at the redirection but doesn’t comment on it. “You always were the artsy type,” she agrees with a smile, almost melancholic as she reminisces the days of a young Kryptonian drawing birds in blue sky and clear oceans — anything to stay as far away as possible of bright fires and bloody explosions in the darkness of Space. “Although…” She makes a point of stroking her chin and Kara braces herself for the mockery she knows is coming. “You were also kind of a nerd. Still are, really,” she teases with an innocent expression but can’t hide the ghost of a smirk.

The blonde doesn’t have anything better than, “ _ You  _ nerd,” as a comeback and can’t hold back her pout when Alex puts her hand on her chest; knows what she’s going to say before even opening her mouth.

“That cuts deep,” the brunette complains with a hurt expression. “You could go easy on me; after all, I’m paying for breakfast.”

And just like that, Kara’s pout was replaced with a beaming smile and twigling eyes and she swirls around to face the menu hanging above the cashiers. “You’re so going to regret that,” the blonde warns with an evil glint in her blue eyes.

“And don’t I know it,” Alex says with a long suffering sigh as she rolls her eyes — it doesn’t last long though, because soon both women are just staring adoringly at each other. The moment passes though, when the agent drops her gaze to her fidgeting hands and Kara frowns. “Kara, I… I just wanted to apologize,” she blurts out, eyes firmly fixed on the paper cup she’s definitely destroying right now as she avoids her foster sister’s gaze. She takes a deep breath and dares meeting Kara’s concerned blue eyes. “For being distant,” she clarifies and the hurt is back on the Kryptonian’s face.

Her face is pinched in sorrow and remorse, her hands automatically reaching out for Alex’s across the table. “Alex, you don’t have to—”

“But I do,” she rushes out to interrupt as her hand grips back Kara’s. “I do, because I saw how disappointed you were every time…”

“No, I could never be disappointed in you, Alex.” And she looks like if she could climb over the table and just hug her very best friend, she would; but she also learned to be human and not to stand out so, instead, she leans forward and brings the brunette’s knuckles to her lips. “I wasn’t disappointed, I was just… sad, I guess. Because I could see you were hurting and I couldn’t do a thing.” Her breath is shaky against Alex’s skin and the agent frees one of her hands to swiftly wipe away a stray tear on Kara’s rosy cheek before bringing their hands back down on the table; she prefers watching Kara’s expressions and reactions.

She nods with a sad smile but her eyes never waver from Kara’s. “I was in a bad place,” she quietly agrees, her gaze dropping for a second before looking back up into an ocean of blue. “But I had the strength to climb back up because I had  _ you.”  _ It’s a bit more than she wanted to admit, but it’s not like she hasn’t said worse before — worse that could have derailed their relationship, words that could have betrayed her hidden feelings. “I’m here now, and it’s thanks to you.”

Kara’s relieved chuckle is breathy and when she closes her eyes for a second, more tears roll down. Alex’s heart sizes at the sight but she’s soon reassured when the tears are followed by a small but genuine smile. “I’m glad you’re back,” she whispers.

Nodding, Alex lets herself be pulled in a side-hug after the blonde rounds the table to sit next to her. “Me too,” she quietly admits against soft, blonde hair. “Me too.”

* * *

It’s years later after school ended that they get comments about their closeness.

They were well-known in high school and not enough in college.

In high school, people tended to avoid them. To avoid talking about them, to even  _ think  _ about them as Alex always seemed to know; and there were always consequences.   
In college, they kept to themselves. For the first year, it had been because the hole in their chests caused by the distance were so big it devoured everything else. After that, it had been because they were in the same city again but driven apart by Alex’s spiral.

Now, though, with their lives in National City ? It’s different.

They have friends, real ones. They have Winn and James who come to game nights and go with them to the movies. They’re here and they know them and it’s real. But that also means that they’re around the Danvers sisters a lot and see them interacting with each other. 

The first time Winn meets Alex, it’s almost a year after having met Kara. The blonde is shy and reserved and doesn’t much about herself, but she’s endearing and incredibly kind and funny so he can’t stop himself from coming back for more. She opens up little by little, but nothing ever too personal, always a hint of sharing but staying on the safe side of things; favorite movie, book, video game. It’s safe.

And so, when one day she comes to his desk with an invitation to her famous (not so much known, but it’s famous to him because he’s heard her talk about it a few times before) game night, he’s quick to agree with a big grin. Kara briefly thinks he looks like an excited puppy but frowns at herself when she remembers Alex calling her exactly that before.

“Hey !” she greets with a big smile and a hug after he knocks on the white door. “Make yourself at home, you can put your bag on my bed and your coat right here.” She’s talking fast and she knows it but she’s nervous — it’s the first time she’s trusted someone enough to invite them to her home. “Want something to drink ?”

Even Winn is impressed by the word debit and he hides his raised eyebrows by turning to hang his coat by the door. When he turns back, there’s another woman there whom he didn’t even notice; she looks quiet — quiet but deadly. He gulps and glances at Kara before looking back at the short haired woman. “Um… Hi ?” he asks more than says and at the same time he notices the woman tensing up, Kara is already reaching out and intertwining their fingers together.

Kara squeezes once in quiet comfort and then she’s speaking for Alex — Alex who’s all taut muscles and suspicious glares when a new person makes their way into her foster sister’s life. “This is Alex,” she announces proudly, almost bouncing on her feet. “My sister.”

At the mention of “sister”, Winn can’t hold back a frown and it makes Alex’s eye twitch, already thinking about how she’s going to— Kara pulls sharply on her hand — not too hard — with a warning in her eyes. Tilting her chin up, Alex lets go of Kara to take a step forward and offers her hand. “Nice to you meet you.” The blonde wordlessly told her to play nice, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t put her best agent voice in play. “Winn, right ?” Back to Kara, Alex puts her best fake smile on and grips his hand a bit too tight.

“Hey,” he says, or tries to because it comes out a bit strangled and Kara is looking at them strangely — but there’s a knowing glint in there as well, like she knows her sister a bit too well not to be suspicious. “How you doing ?” he asks weakly but is royally ignored.

“So you know Kara from CatCo, right ?”

“Nope !” Kara exclaims and the man startles at the sudden loud voice, but Alex doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even glance at her foster sister. “We’re not doing this, Alex.” And she’s pushing the brunette toward the couch, the agent obediently following her request but stares at Winn the whole way. “Now, get the board and pieces ready while I get us some drinks,” she orders but her voice is gentle, a softness he’s never heard from the blonde before, and she brushes Alex’s shoulder with her fingertips before turning away — like she couldn’t help herself from touching the woman in any capacity she could. 

Standing in the middle of the living room without knowing what to do with himself, Winn chooses to join Kara at her kitchen counter rather than being directly glared at by the scary sister — he also keeps his back to her, would rather risk is safety rather than meeting her eyes. “Hey, so…” He subtly glances over his shoulder and, unfortunately, meets the deadly eyes while Alex prepares the game on the coffee table; he quickly looks back at Kara who’s humming in question as she’s focused on getting drinks from her fridge. “She’s intense,” she states in a whisper and hopes the woman doesn’t have a super hearing of some sort — he wouldn’t put it past her.

Kara snorts and has to bring her hand to her mouth in surprise. “You can say that,” she mumbles as she turns back to her friend. “She’s just watching out for me,” she reassures him with a pleading look. “It’ll get better once she gets to know you, you’ll see.”

His ear twitches as it feels like a ghost just ran past him and his head whips around but finds the brunette still sitting on the couch, focused on the deck of cards this time. He shakes his head to himself and wills his heart to calm the heck down. “Has there been any proof of that ?” he whimpers, still feeling cold in his back.

Very deliberately, Kara hums in question again but doesn’t meet his eyes and walks past him to go join Alex. “Well, I hope you like ice tea because that’s all I have !” she calls out without turning back as she sets the tray on the table.

When the blonde sits next to Alex and he’s left sitting across from them, his eyes automatically zero in on Kara’s hand. There’s nothing particular about it and it wouldn’t be worth staring at if it wasn’t for Alex’s knee right under it, slender fingers absentmindedly scratching lightly the tissue.

It goes on for the rest of the night, a touch here and a caress there, but it’s always feather light and brief — and it only comes from Kara. He didn’t know Kara was the touchy type, even thought the opposite as he often saw her avoid contact like people’s skin burned her if it came in contact with her own. He shifts in his seat as he keeps stealing glances because the more he looks at them, the more… something feels  _ off.  _

He’s not as sneaky as he’d like to be because a voice snaps, “Kara’s adopted,” and both CatCo workers look up. 

The blonde with raised eyebrows. “Yes ?” Kara hasn’t noticed anything from her friend and is surprised Alex is even broaching the subject — especially without prompting. Her face is hard, like stone, and she’s staring at Winn across from them.

And Winn with an uncomfortable look. “Sorry,” he mumbles, cheeks going pink, completely caught staring. “I wasn’t— I just noticed— I’m sorry,” he says again, settles on an apology instead of excuses.

With a resigned sigh directed to her foster sister as she pats the brunette’s knee before letting her hand rest there, she turns to look at Winn. “The Danvers took me in after an accident,” she reveals with shiny eyes and, even though she hadn’t planned on telling her life story tonight, it’s as good an opportunity as any. “We don’t share parents, that’s why we look nothing alike.” It’s brief and even the most intimate aspect of her life lacks any details; it doesn’t lack emotions though, and Alex squeezes Kara’s hand in comfort.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, his heart going to his friend and it feels tight and painful. “I wasn’t trying to pry, I just…” He pauses and takes a breath. “I spent some time in foster care and I just wondered, I guess, if— if that was a similar situation,” he confesses. It’s hard for him, he’s never talked about it to anyone, but he can feel himself being drawn to the blonde and, oddly, a bond with the brunette as well. After hearing Kara’s story, however short, he felt like he could share his too in that moment; and he doesn’t regret it.

“Oh, come here.” A second later and he’s being pulled off his chair and on his feet, being hugged by the warmest woman he’s ever met. He doesn’t care though, doesn’t even hesitate about boundaries as he hugs her back and rests his cheek on her shoulder — gosh, she’s  _ tall.  _ “Thank you for sharing,” she murmurs and she tightens her hold before letting go with a watery smile. She rubs his arm twice, like a mom would do to dry her child after a bath, and lets out a breathy chuckle before sniffing loudly. “So, who wants some more ice tea ? I know I do.” She basically talks to herself from there and Winn feels bad.

He’s surprised when Alex sends him a reassuring smile with a little nod before getting up and joining Kara in the kitchen. Winn gives them privacy and looks away, toward the big window and gazes into the night sky; it’s late and he should probably go home but doesn’t want to disturb them now.

Trailing off behind Kara, Alex stops when the blonde does and turns around to face her. Kara looks over the brunette’s shoulder and watches as Winn is looking the opposite way; it makes her smile, a soft one. She really loves her friend.

“I’m sorry,” comes Alex’s quiet voice, guilt in her eyes — a familiar sight by now. “I shouldn’t have—” 

“It’s okay,” Kara shushes with a whisper and an open expression. “I don’t think the topic would have come up any time soon and I didn’t know how to tell him. I mean…” She looks down and unconsciously takes Alex’s fingertips between hers. “It’s not the part of my life I’m the most eager to share, but it’s still a part of me and I have to open up more. Even if it’s a person at a time.”

There’s pride in hazel, a feeling that Alex can’t stop feeling when near Kara; it’s like the Kryptonian keeps surprising her in all the good ways. “I think it’s very brave,” she declares with emotion, the tendons of her neck working as her throat feels a bit tighter. “And I’m so proud of you.” It’s breathed out, almost rushed out, almost like it’s something she couldn’t keep herself from saying — even if she tried.

Feeling her eyes welling up as well, Kara forces her wobbly lips to form a smile. “And I’m proud you didn’t kill Winn on sight,” she teases, trying to diffuse the thick tension around them; it’s been happening more often — the lingering touches, the staring and the atmosphere around them. She doesn’t know what it is, can’t name it yet, but it’s not something she’s ready for. Not yet.

Chuckling and swallowing her own tears, Alex playfully shoves Kara’s shoulder but gladly lets her hand get trapped in the blonde’s. “Dork.”

Eyes crinkling with happiness, Kara grins wildly.  _ “You  _ dork.”

(It’s when Winn can’t hold it anymore and runs to the bathroom that they finally stop staring at each other and, at last, let their friend go home.)

* * *

“I can’t believe you just did that,” she almost snaps as the door slams behind her, immediately reaching for the alcohol in the kitchen. Her hands shake when she opens the bottle, her lips quiver when she takes a sip, and her whole body trembles when her mind replays the events of the night.

The couch squeaks when Kara turns to face her, a knee bent under her. “Alex !” she gasps and immediately gets up. She slows her movements when she sees the brunette shivering under the dim light of Kara’s apartment. “Alex ?” The question is hesitant and quiet and Alex looks up from her daze.

She grimaces as she swallows the alcohol, the taste bitter and burning her insides — but that’s exactly what she needs right now. Still, she takes a deep breath and looks right into her foster sister’s eyes. “Are you okay ?”

That seems to take aback the Krytponian because she leans back with her eyebrows raised. “Am  _ I  _ okay ?” she almost scoffs, gaze filled with concern. “Are  _ you  _ okay ? You must have been so scared,” she whispers as her eyes water. “I was terrified,” she admits and it’s so quiet and her voice is so hoarse that Alex almost doesn’t catch it.  _ Almost.  _

“I’m okay,” she reassures Kara, fingers digging into the coffee mug in her hands, still filled with the cold, burning beverage as she keeps herself from reaching out — she should be used to it by now, but she’s not. And she doesn’t think she’ll ever be.

Hesitating for another second, Kara throws herself at her foster sister without holding back.  _ “Alex,”  _ she croaks out, or she thinks she does because it’s drowned out by a loud sob and the sound of the glass breaking when Alex drops her mug. Neither of them pay it any mind as they just stand there, hugging.

Returning the embrace, the DEO agent rubs Kara’s back with soothing motions while her other hand lightly scratches the back of the blonde’s skull. “It’s okay,” she whispers over and over. “I’m okay,” and “you’re okay,” are big hits as well. It doesn’t work as well as having the brunette’s body flushed against hers though, the feeling of warmth and pressure and the sounds of blood rushing through veins and the heart pumping… It’s what relaxes the Kryptonian the most — proof of life.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whimpers in Alex’s ear, her body shaking as the adrenaline wears off and the reality sinks in. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to— to turn the plane and then it— it was so heavy and—” A sob takes over and she gasps and the older Danvers tightens her hold. “I thought I was going to ki—” She can’t keep talking then, because her whole frame is so racked over sobs and tears that Alex is worried she might be in shock — the DEO agent still knows what Kara was going to say, what she was thinking, and she can’t ever let her think it’s true.

“Kara,” she calls out a bit forcefully, a bit loudly, but she knows when it’s needed; especially with a Kryptonian. “Kara, listen to my voice. Listen to me, honey.” The pet name comes out without meaning to but it doesn’t make much of a difference anymore. “You didn’t kill me, okay ? Look at me,” she commands as she pulls back from the hug and, with difficulty, Kara’s eyes shift and wander around for a couple of seconds before focusing on Alex’s hazel ones. “I’m here and I’m fine. You  _ saved  _ me, Kar’.” She shakes her head in disbelief with a wry grin. “I can’t believe you saved me,” she whispers and there’s awe in her eyes and that might be what brings Kara back.

“I didn’t think I was capable of actually doing it,” she confesses in a whisper of her own, her eyes searching Alex’s. “I thought…” She closes her eyes and tears fall down, tears she worked hard to keep to herself — it wasn’t pride, not anymore, it was more like a personal challenge. She lost.

“But you did it,” Alex is quick to remind her, the same respect in her voice as earlier. “You saved a whole plane.”

Not believing it, Kara brings her shaky hands up to Alex’s face and almost cradles it, so softly that the brunette only feels it because of the quivers in Kara’s fingers, lightly tapping her cheeks. Her blue eyes never waver from hazel ones and it feels like an eternity before Kara finally holds the agent’s face between her hands and carefully rests her forehead against Alex’s.

“I’m so happy I did,” she breathes out and her words tickle Alex’s lips. The moment is suspended in time, limitless and weightless and through the whirl of emotions running wild in her mind, Kara finds the strength to finally,  _ finally  _ speak up. “You know, I almost forgot what it felt like. Flying.” Her words are so quiet between them that Alex briefly thinks she’s imagining it; but she’s not. “It’s like…” She wets her lips, searching for the right words as the brunette is hanging on to the Kryptonian’s words like they hold the secret to the universe. There’s a few seconds of silence before Kara says, “Like scared. But good scared. Like…”

“Like what ?” she whispers, not wanting to break the moment.

The tension is so thick Alex is sure she could cut it with the Flasium knife she found while fighting with an alien the other night, and the suspense is slowly killing any hope she had of not having sore muscles — her muscles are too tense for that, too anticipating for— 

“Like that moment right before you kiss someone for the first time,” is whispered against her lips and her gasp is being swallowed by Kara’s and the world stops again.

It’s slow and desperate and it’s everything they are.

It’s also a renewal of an unspoken promise.

**Author's Note:**

> The _Flasium_ knife is a made up alien metal.*


End file.
